Catharsis

Tonight I was feeling the tug of my first Christmas without my darling wife at home.

In cleaning out the basement of old stuff to donate to Goodwill and such, I found a shoebox… A wonderful treasure-trove of love.

My darling sweetheart in all the years of our marriage; the ups, downs, and all the in-betweens kept every card and letter we ever sent to each other, dating them and treasuring them. I choose to believe so I would find them tonight.

I read each letter, each word of a lovers’ exchange; a back-and-forth of promises and sentiments meant to last an eternity. Declarations of undying love and God’s providence of each one for the other, a unique gift of love from Heaven and it’s master.

Plans were made. Doubts were discussed. Edification and healing love like a balm flowed freely between the lovers across miles of separation early in their engagement. A temporary divide of summer between semesters, designed by God to forge the strongest of bonds that would last for eternity, endure forever.

After this journey through hills of unabashed devotion, love, and rapturous embrace, I am left yet again with the question that rings louder than the loudest bell in the highest tower…

why

I cannot begin to fathom the purposes of God, or the direction He wishes. I only know that I am His and this sojourn is not over; the final chapter is not yet written.

It is a difficult thing to live in hope for miraculous restoration while living life as though it will never come… But, I live in a similar conundrum coined by the modern day psalmist Richard Mullins:

Live like you’ll die tomorrow. Die knowing you’ll live forever.

If faith is indeed the subtance of things you hope for, and the evidence of things you have yet to see, then the events of this evening have truly filled my heart with faith and hope. Our lives were intertwined by our divine Father, forging in a crucible of love the strongest of bonds to weather the harshest of storms. Those storms began blowing for us shortly after we wed, and escalated to hurricane strength.

God, show me your purpose that I might fully enjoy faith again. The faith of my youth, he faith of my love.

Bring that precious flower of my heart back to full bloom that you might be glorified in our union.

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